She and I

The morning was pretty uneventful. Busy, but uneventful. A trip to the mall, a bit of shopping, seeing the sand sculpture of dinosaurs and riding the carousel. Lunch was Chick-Fil-A, and then home. Andrew, who lately has been favoring "rest time" in lieu of a nap, actually slept today. I heard no noise coming from his room. No animal sounds, no ongoing narration of the books he had stacked in the bed with him. Just my angel boy curled around his beloved Pooh bear, fast asleep.



But that girl of mine, oh that girl of mine. She paced around her crib like a caged animal, alternately snorting and screaming and throwing things out. The floor of her room was a jumbled mess of blankies, bears, babies and the bows that were in her hair. She roared like a tiny lion, called everyone in our family, and then started in on the neighbors. She played peek-a-boo with herself and sang songs. She counted (1, 2, 3, 8, 5, YAY!!) and kicked and grunted. She tried to pull her clothes off to get to her diaper. She spit at no one in particular. I watched the drama from a safe distance, confident that she would finally surrender to the sandman. She did not.

I gave up, and got one tiny, ecstatic girl out of her crib and decided that she and I would have some quality "girl time" while Bubbie was asleep. But THAT was not to be, either. She kept chanting over and over, "Mommy bed, mommy bed, mommy bed". She grabbed her beloved duck blankie and, with thumb in mouth, hightailed it to my room. A glimmer of hope! Maybe that nap would come after all.

We snuggled into the softness and warmth of "mommy bed". " Pink! Pink!" She kept exclaiming at the top of her lungs pointing to the underside of the tester canopy. "Mommy bed, mommy big bed. I big girl. BIIIIIGG BEEEDDDDD". "Mommy, da wolf", "Mommy, da wion" "Mommy Puuuuupppy GOG" Yay" MOMMMMMyyyyyy".... along with a cacophony of other sounds and phrases. She alternated jumping around (on ME~) like a miniature jumping bean and falling down and pressing her tiny body next to mine-- complete with squinting her eyes and making fake snoring sounds! The last time she snuggled was it.

The wee squinted eyes began to relax, the fake snoring subsided and was replaced by the soft even breathing of a sleeping child. Eyes darted back and forth underneath closed lids. Her long, long lashes (inherited from her daddy) rested softly on her sweet cheeks. Her curls spilled across her forehead, a smile flitted across her lips, her hands jerked, and she found her thumb. Even in sleep, she sucked on it for dear life. I watched her and it took my breath away. Images flashed across my mind of all the times I've stood and watched her, watched both of my treasures, sleep. From a tiny newborn, to my fat cheeked baby, to this active toddler that now roams my house.

I thought about just 2 short years ago when I was expecting her. I would put Andrew in his crib, and lie down across my bed with a huge quilt and rest when he did. I was hot and tired, and so very pregnant and swollen. The after lunch siesta was something I looked forward to, and relished. She was there with me then, too. A swift kick, a gentle nudge, the movement of an arm, a leg, or a wee hand. I dreamed about what it would be like to have a daughter. I dreamed of how different it would be from having a son. I dreamed about what she would look like, and how much fun it would be to indulge my love of all things pink and frilly. During those quiet moments it was just she and I.

We revisited that for just a little while today. Just she and I resting in the quiet of the afternoon on that very same bed. I still dream about what she will become. I still pray about the woman she will be. She still gave me the gentle nudge, the movement of her little arms and legs... but this time I was watching her. Those sweet, precious (albeit brief!) moments this afternoon were priceless. The kind that burn themselves into your memory forever. Sweet memories that I hope will be the first of many for she and I.